LEADER, LEAD THYSELF: EXCEPTIONAL SELF-LEADERSHIP

Consider the stressed, tired, overwhelmed manager. Will she notice the early warning signs of trouble? Will he be able to handle the situations from the taxonomy of trouble in a way that transforms the troublesome to tremendous? How can you handle the maverick, cynic, or diva when you are consistently having a “difficult day” yourself?

It is possible, but it is also unlikely.

If you truly want to be an exceptional leader who can consistently provide great value, to have positive impact, and even to transform troublesome situations to tremendous, then the focus must start with your inner game of leadership.

The following are some of the symptoms of someone who has not yet taken control of his or her own leadership.

Rate yourself on each one of these.

I have worked with many leaders who identified deeply with this list of symptoms. Many of them were actually very good leaders. Nevertheless, they often felt like they were constantly battling to accomplish what needed to be accomplished.

If you are like these leaders, you rated most of these items as “often” or worse.

The rest of this chapter describes a number of mindsets and methods to take full ownership of your leadership.

Find Your Leadership Sweet Spot

On a tennis racquet there is a miraculous zone known as the sweet spot. If, when swinging your racquet, you miss the sweet spot it will jar your arm, and you are much more likely to miss the spot you are aiming for. Further, missing the sweet spot repeatedly will tire you more quickly.

When you hit that miraculous spot, your body follows through swiftly and smoothly, and the ball is much more likely to spring off your racquet with great speed toward the spot on the court you desire.

The sweet spot on a tennis racquet is where multiple forces are designed to come together to create a harmonic response.

The same is true for leadership. When you do work that misses your leadership sweet spot, it is jarring and more quickly drains your energy. When you do work from your sweet spot, it provides more energy to you than you put into it.

This is also an intersection of three forces that you can control to come together to create a great harmonic response. Let’s look at these three elements.

1. Passion. This is the type of work that energizes you. You like this style of work and like doing the work in this area. This is the work that puts a smile on your face. You know you are passionate about an area of work when you find that when you are engaged in it time can pass quickly without you noticing.

2. Competence. Competence is simply having the skills needed to make the work successful. When you have passion and competence the work done will provide you with great pleasure and pride. You may not necessarily start with the skill level needed, but if you have the passion it is likely you will acquire it. Further, it is likely you will keep improving.

3. Value. To do work that truly energizes you in the long run, the work that intersects with your passion and competence must also be work that provides value to others.

Exceptional leaders are very conscious of what work fits in their sweet spots and what does not. They will work to create ways to grow their sweet spots. They will also try to attract the work they want to do to the center of their leadership “racquets.”

When I have mentored leaders to take more control of their own leadership, this is often one of the first things we work on. I ask them to track a week of their activities and to note which activities feel like they are hitting the sweet spot and which activities are jarring. People find this a surprising exercise because they are always learning things about themselves and their work that they didn’t know.

Many who have done this exercise learned that there are other factors that affect their sweet spots. Everyone agrees that the three listed are critical. Some people have found other things that are important to them as well, such as the physical work environment, the people they work with, or the financial stability of the organization.

Some discovered that they have more than one sweet spot. They uncover different areas of work where passion, competence, and value intersect.

Many learned that their sweet spots evolved over time. After a period their passions changed and, thus, unlike a tennis racquet, their sweet spot moved!

Most important, they learned that they can make their sweet spots bigger! By taking ownership of their leadership, they guided more work to hit their sweet spots. As they grew better at this, they found ways to also grow their sweet spots through more passion, more competence, and more reciprocal value to those they served.

How to Supercharge Your Energy

Are people more likely to be drawn to a happy, positive leader projecting energy or to an obviously tired and stressed leader?

The answer is quite obvious. Yet, most people act as victims of their own energy levels. So many leaders have told me “I would have gotten more sleep if . . .” or “Those meetings I attend drain me, if only . . .” or “The weeks are so stressful, I am completely drained by the end.” The list of excuses for a low energy level is a long and tiring one.

Exceptional leaders are energetic. Certainly, exceptional leaders do get tired. It is not that they are all endowed with a natural gift of infinite energy. The difference is that they have endowed themselves with a very specific gift. This is the gift of finding the best ways of energizing themselves and avoiding the things that drain their personal energies.

Consider what happens when we have lower energy, or even feel tired:

• We work slower.

• We get more easily distracted.

• We are more easily stressed.

• We make more mistakes.

• All of which means we work slower on the next day cleaning up those mistakes.

• All of which could lead to not sleeping well and sleeping less.

• Which leads to lower energy, which leads to more stress, which leads to an endlessly exhausting loop.

When people are feeling relaxed and energetic, they typically have a much more productive time. The following things generally result from working from a place of high energy:

• Clear thinking.

• Faster action.

• Fewer mistakes.

• Less rework caused by previous problems created when tired.

• People enjoy being around you.

• You sleep more soundly as there is less stress.

All of which leads to higher energy, which leads to an endless energizing loop.

Anyone who has been on an airplane knows that the flight attendants always encourage the passengers with the standard speech: “In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you. If you are traveling with someone who requires assistance, secure your mask first, and then assist the other person.”

I have been told by a friend who is a flight attendant that you must do this because once that mask descends there are less than eight seconds before you are unconscious. Putting your oxygen mask on first is a good idea and a good metaphor for a crisis situation.

For daily living, it is more useful to think about your personal fuel management system. Consider your fuel tank, your reserve systems, and how to keep them near full fuel and what to do when you are running low.

It is up to us as individuals to take control of our “fuel management system.” Be aware of the energy boosters. Be aware of the energy drains. Be aware of the size of your fuel tank. Take actions to improve. Each investment in improving this system will pay back many times over!

There are four key ways to master ownership of your energy levels:

1. Do things that energize you. This is not as obvious as it sounds. It takes effort to recognize the activities that give you more energy both inside and outside of work. The real trick is consciously taking the time to do those things. Too many people fall into habits of convenience (such as, “Oh let’s just watch another movie,” instead of taking a walk through the woods). Track the things that fall into your leadership sweet spot. Track the things that energize you and the things that drain your energy. Doing this for a short time will provide insights that may surprise you.

2. Manage the energy drains in your life. Are there activities you do at work that seem exhausting? Are there people you sometimes interact with who just seem to drain your energy? Exceptional leaders are very aware of these and use various techniques to minimize the energy drains. Make a list of the drains and brainstorm ways you can counter their effects or reduce how frequently these occur. This may seem selfish but decreasing the energy drains and increasing your happiness and energy is a gift to everyone!

3. Be prepared for energys dips. The first two items are proactive actions you can take. Even with those actions clearly managed, there are times of the week, even during each day, when it feels that your energy has just fled. Be prepared. Carry your favorite energy snacks. Hydrate. Take a brisk walk. Make some of your one-on-one meetings walking meetings. What are your best techniques?

4. Give yourself the gift of empty spaces. Some good managers are proud of being too busy to get enough sleep, to go for walks, or simply to pause and stare at a distant horizon. The exceptional leaders cherish these moments and work to create these spaces for themselves, often on a daily basis.

Some good managers believe it is a badge of honor to be tired and stressed, as it is an indicator of how hard they are working. Meanwhile, the exceptional leader is like organized lightning, with both a calming presence and an intensity that raises the whole energy of the situations they engage.

I know which leader I strive to be.

Which leader do the people around you think you are?

Take Control of Every Week

Hopefully, you see the wisdom of taking control of your leadership sweet spot and of supercharging your energy. To best be able to take control of those keys, you must take control of your time. The best way to do this is to have a regular planning process. I personally have a process for planning a very long period of time, such as a decade, one for planning my year, one for my month, and also one for planning my week.

If you can’t control the time in your week, the rest won’t matter. Your weekly personal planning process should focus on controlling (or at least greatly influencing) where the time in your week goes.

This example process has ten steps.

1. Relax into the week. Take time to consciously prepare your mindset for the week. It is useful for many people to have a key phrase or two to be a reminder of traits they are working on. For example, some leaders simply use this step to remind themselves how the week ahead is a choice of what things they choose to do and the attitude they bring to how they will do those things.

2. Review and refresh upcoming family events. Many leaders who have excelled at work find that they need to put family events first on their planning processes or they make costly mistakes in squeezing out some of the really important things in their lives. Look ahead at least two months and determine if there are any major things you want or need to do for the benefit of the family. Look at the upcoming week and think about family. Refresh in your mind upcoming events. Add any new events if needed. Note any actions taken at the end of your planning session.

3. Look at your main upcoming work goals and events. It is so easy to get pulled into the mundane of the day to day and lose track of where you really want to go. Look ahead. Think about your major goals. Think about major events. Note if there are any significant things you need to do this week.

4. Review your calendar for the upcoming week. Review the events already on your calendar. The upcoming week has almost certainly had more requests come in for your time via meetings or requests for you to do specific things. It may have grown over the weekend. Note which of the items are in your sweet spot and fit goals, which ones really don’t, and which ones fall into a bit of a gray area. You don’t need to decide yet!

5. Consider your key stakeholders. If you are a CEO or a project leader, you have key stakeholders who can help or hinder the initiatives you have in mind. Determine whether there is anyone you should contact this week to build momentum toward your goals.

6. Take a moment to consider those you lead. How is the group energy? Are there any spots that you are concerned about? Are there any people who could use some “trouble prevention” or “trouble correction” actions? Note that in all these steps you should be thinking about whether you can ask others to help you. Asking for help is one of the key steps for growing your leadership sweet spot.

7. Consider the specific things you are working on. Is progress on track? Is any extra effort needed in key spots? Should you be asking for help in any areas?

8. List the most important positive impacts you will have this week. Think about the positive impact you plan to make this week. Think about how to make that impact with the least amount of effort and time. Focus on value and return on investment of your time. Make the list realistic for the week based on the most important areas. It is great to add stretch goals. Even with those stretch goals, ensure that you are leaving open space on your calendar for those things that will come up.

9. Make your list of “No, that will not happen” and either send or prepare to provide your polite words of “No thank you.” Again, this may sound selfish, but saying “no” to obligatory meetings or to less important meetings is not selfish. You are focused on energizing yourself and your organization. The exceptional leader accepts the reality that all of your “to do items” will not fit in a week. You also know that you can have a positive impact every day.

10. Plan how to start the week with great momentum. Start every week with a quick win that makes a positive impact. It helps others and gets the week started in the absolute right direction. It is more likely to happen when you plan for that to happen!

This list may seem like it will take more than one hour. Leaders who do this for the first time discover that it does take more time. The challenge is getting a system in place that helps keep the most important things in mind. Further, you may need to train others in your organization about how you have updated how you “own” your week.

After the start-up period, it takes less than an hour. The return on your energy is well worth that time!

Improve Your Ability to Improve

Two years ago I gave a speech to an audience of about 200. Afterwards, I had a nice line of people coming up to ask me some detailed questions. The last person asked me a question that made me laugh out loud after I understood it. She said: “How did you do that?” I thought she meant the stellar results I had helped an organization achieve, which was the focus of my talk. She explained more. She wanted to know “How did you give a speech where you were so comfortable, were interactive with the audience, answered questions the whole time, still hit all the important points, finished on time, and made me laugh?”

This made me laugh out loud for a couple of reasons. First, I am not sure that the guy who fell asleep in the third row, fourth from the left, about eight minutes in and didn’t wake up until the final applause felt the same way! I also laughed because I still remembered my first public speech, which was a mess, both in content and in my sweaty panic.

The quick answer I gave was simply, “I decided to become excellent at giving talks. That is the best place to start.” After I made that big decision, I started to work at it. I am now very comfortable at giving talks, and I do feel confident that they are usually good.

However, I am not done working on this skill. I will get better, and I have specific plans on what things I will do to accelerate that improvement.

The reason I am confident that I will get better is that the skill I have been really working to master is how to accelerate my ability to improve at anything!

Improving your skill at “how” to improve is the most powerful of all skills to master. Improving your ability to improve leads to making your leadership sweet spot bigger and more powerful. It leads to higher-level energizing partnerships. It leads to improvement in all areas.

The exceptional leader looks at all the problems and obstacles he faces. He thinks about what the common denominator is for all those problems. He looks in the mirror and smiles because he knows that common denominator is him.

The exceptional leader knows that he has the ability to improve.

And we can all improve in that skill. The following are the keys to taking ownership of accelerating your ability to improve.

 Start with a clear intention and belief. If you have something that you want to improve at, decide to get better. Believe that you are absolutely capable of getting better. Better yet, believe that because of your intention, you are already better just by being aware of the need, and having the desire. Write down your goals for getting better and why it is important to you.

 Determine some indicators of success. Your intention will be made much stronger by thinking about what it means to be better and asking yourself “How will I know that I am better?” When I decided to get better at giving public speeches I had a few simple ways to know if I had actually improved. For example, in the first speech I gave, I saw people quietly (and not so quietly) slipping out the back doors of the room. In more recent speeches, I have had people tell me that others had texted them to come see my talk, which was already in progress. It is important to have external indicators that you indeed are improving in the direction you desire.

 Decide what things you will do differently. And then, do those things differently. Doing the same thing the same way over and over again will get very similar results. So, when you decide to get better at something, think about what things you will actually change and what things you will try. You can do this immediately, even without a mentor or by reading a book. I am going to recommend those, but there is no good reason I can think of to wait unless you are parachuting or racing cars or the like!

 Learn from success and from successful failures. Celebrate both. Successful failures are failed attempts where you learned something. Note that also means you could have failed successes, in that you didn’t learn why you were successful. So keep learning. Celebrate both! The better you get at celebrating failures the faster you will learn.

 Watch others, both the good and the bad. As soon as I decided to get great at giving speeches, it changed my speech-watching habits completely. I paid more attention to all the speeches I went to—the good and the bad. I made notes about each and why I thought they were good or bad. This gathering of experience helped me accelerate my progress immensely.

 Find exceptional mentors. Seek people who are better than you are and ask how they mastered that which you wish to master. If they seem to be a good fit, ask them for their help. How do you find a good mentor? Read books and write to the authors. Ask others who you see are good at what you want to improve at. Talk to them. Get their advice.

 Create safe places to try new methods. If you have no fear any place can be safe. However, I think it is still a good idea to have a testing ground. You can role-play with trusted peers. Or you can seek a community of people pursuing a similar quest to improve. For example, Toastmasters is a community where many find a safe place to improve at giving speeches. You can create your own safe place by accepting that you can make mistakes and it is okay.

 Be willing to make public mistakes. If you are trying new methods, it is very possible that the first couple of times might feel awkward and might even look awkward. You might feel less competent. You will make mistakes even when you are good, so really don’t worry about it. If you can accept that public mistake-making, you will be much more likely to learn, celebrate, and accelerate your improvement.

 Treasure empty spaces. Truly great ideas for improvement come when you have successfully emptied your mind from worries and distractions and enabled your mind to be open to new ideas that are hidden within you. Use meditation, long walks in nature, watching bad movies, heavy exercise, listening to great music, or anything that helps you be receptive to new ideas.

 Relax into the joy of learning. I remember vividly the first day my daughter learned to walk when she was about eighteen months old. Within two hours she was running barefoot across stones yelling “ow, ow, ow” and laughing the whole time.

Learning new things and doing things new ways can be itself a great reward or it can be a stressful trudge. Choose the joy path! Truly relax into the joy of learning new ways.

Take Ownership of Your Leadership: The Secret of Managing Up

If you have mastered all the items in this chapter, you most likely have also discovered this final secret. We go to work because we choose to. We work in the organizations we work in because we accepted positions there. No one forced us to do the work that we do. The person you really work for is you.

I find that the people who have truly accepted this idea deal with the most common difficulties in simple, eloquent ways. The following example provides a template for how to transform troublesome stakeholders above and beside you into tremendous collaborators.

The Case of Too Many Bosses

When you have multiple stakeholders, it is rare for those stakeholders to agree on what your top priority is. Managers doing this poorly react to whoever is the loudest on that day. The other poor reaction is to simply work harder. These are reactions based on fear of repercussions from taking ownership of personal leadership power.

The proper action is to recognize that if there is no agreement on your priorities, then the only one who is going to set them is you. The fact is, you are already doing that, even if it is based on the process of “who is the loudest.” If you take ownership of this reality you can set the priorities and then publish what the priorities for the organization are.

The next step is to provide a way for new priorities to be set. Work with the multiple stakeholders so that they know the challenges each of the other stakeholders face. Provide a process for them to come to consensus on how they can change the priorities of the organization you lead. The final key to this is that you are one of the stakeholders for your organization. Take ownership of your leadership power.

It is your choice to make.

REFLECTION POINTS

Owning your personal leadership power is the most powerful tool you will ever have in transforming the troublesome to the tremendous.

Do you own your power of leadership? Consider the following questions.

1. Track the things you do for a month. How much of the time do you feel like you are working from your leadership sweet spot where you get more energy out of the activity then you put into it?

2. Do the people you work around look at you as “often overwhelmed and stressed” or more like “organized lightning”?

3. Do you generally take control of where your time goes? Are others getting great impact and value from the time you are spending?

4. Have you consciously worked to improve in any key areas? Do you have a process for improvement that you are improving?

5. What steps are you taking to improve your ownership of your leadership?

Thanks for reading my blog.

Are you Leading?

Dr. Deepak A. Patil

CEO, Lead ThySelf